Mean but now...WIN

 Dear Bloggers,

Today I sad ever since I woke up. Mostly because my studies aren't fixed yet. I still don't know what am I supposed to read. But, still I was told to attend the Electronics classes. The teacher didn't teach anything but she was a little kind I guess. But, I still miss my old teachers a lot. 

I might be the only person in this world who thinks very deep about things. I miss some "friends". They don't even count me when I'm there. I went to school today to bring the report card. I said hi to my "so- called used to be but I still like her" friend. I said her hi but she just signs. Hi with sign and when I asked "Did you got yours?" she acted and showed me her report card. Standing with her was Cliantha (girl who made everyone think negative about me). She said me 'hi when I said when I wished my "so-called" friend or girl. I didn't wanted to wish her, but as that wouldn't be proper manners, I wished her too.

When I went inside, not a single soul spoke to me. Even when I asked them something kind of like I don't exist at all. I was the one who took initiative but still I was out-casted like always. I tried everything to change my self but the damage has been done way too deep and there's no way of changing it. Right now when I saw her status she has uploaded photos with all of her friends except me. I felt bad. I haven't been on speaking terms with parents since morning. When I said all this things to mum you know what she said? "You should change yourself"'. 

I tried everything to change myself. She (mum) says its because I made my mind that I don't want anyone, I'll eat alone in the recess. To be true, I never was that. It was me who started to sit together with everyone. I was the one who started sharing your tiffins thing when I was 7. Still I'm out- casted. I never say anything wrong for anyone in front or in the back until this day, I hate being rude and was always polite, I'd never used any bad words to anyone and once when I did I apologised. I was always jolly by nature. People who took time to understand me knew me well. Whereas people who hated me spreaded rumours behind my back.

Imagine yourself in my place and your last year of school. Where there's no one to talk to or look at. No one. You just come alone from school to home. Throw your bag and start crying. That was my life in 10th. I used to hold my doll and say everything to her and cry. There have also been times when I ate lunch at 4pm. No one to share what's going in my mind. Not even my mother understands how I feel. Because she always puts me in the wrong place. Always. Even when its not my fault.

Yesterday, I was at park. Doing cycling. When an uneducated women with other women was saying "How long will that girl will keep on cycling'' and she gave a mean laugh.

Some people are so so mean. Why are people like that in this world? I really crying so bad now. I would have cried out loud if father wasn't at home. Mummy's going at office tomorrow. Can cry as long as high and as much as I want. I always cry my self to sleep in days like these. Because of people like these, people like me get such a sad feeling. Why don't they think "What if that person can hear us?" "How will people react with her/him if I say bad things about them?" "What would happen to me if I were in his place?"

I really hate my life. After a very long time I'm saying this. Just imagine the torchure I've been leaving with. No friends, ignored at school, at neighbourhood. In my neighbourhood people stare at me when I go out. In a weird way. I used to play with them when I was younger. I would just smile when I look at them but they just over-react at me. Like as if they are bigger person than me.

I might not gossip, I might not talk bad things, I don't style, I just not in any way like any ordinary teenager because that isn't me! And I am hated for all of those things. Means you should be someone else but not you if you want to be "counted in" in a group. Who gave these people rights to consider themselves as superior and to bring make "not-their-kind" lonely?

When things like these happen. I really fell like why am I even seeing this. I consider myself really unlucky for all of it. But, it isn't me who's unlucky. Its them who tried to drag me down because they don't deserve me. I must really be meeting some great people in the future which is the reason why God doesn't want me to be with them. I guess He wants to test me before He assigns me to a great task. Why I really came into thing world. To do great things. I'm a fighter. He's giving me so much sadness so that means that I'm being noticed every moment by Him. As for mean people, God will surely punish them. 

If I do something bad or wrong, I get the feeling that what I did was wrong and won't be satisfied. God's in everyone. They will know their mistake someday. God punishes all. Me, you, and everyone. Never let the other person drag you down. If he gives you a punch you use you mind and instead of punching him back, just dodge it! Think logically not mentally. Hannah taught me that "When you fight fire with fire, you get burned" So just hope things will be alright because someday they have too and they will be. I won't say that stand around and wait for the moment. Just grab it the minute you get it because when you take too much time ton realise it, it'll be gone before you know it.

And..."WRITE YOU OWN DESTINY, DON'T LET THE DESTINY BE WRITTEN BY ITSELF"

Take a chance and make your dreams come true but writing your own destiny. Destiny is just a word. There isn't such a thing at all, to be honest. Its your actions and choises that define your future and yourself. So I started on such a down, negative note and ended on the bright sushine. So,shine.

And Anna from Scratch (Coding) helped me and I figured it out. We also bought a straightner and... yeah almost forgot. I lost another subscriber on YouTube. Yeah. Most of them gain while I lose. xD xD xD That Kate girl who started her channel after me. But she already had 17 subscribers  when I had 16 and now she has 52 while I still am at 18. Bad luck like always. :(

Read this: 

I know you can't see the picture so here the link for something to motivate you by Included Miley because I love her very very much! The old and beautiful Miley :););):

Click the blue link-

Something to motivate you:

💤Dream of the day-

To work hard on a better tomorrow. I don't remember.

💭Thought for the day- 

Shine like the sun, shine like the stars,

 and never bring yourself down, 

because of some stupid dark clouds

                                                              -Written by me.